Broken heart
by mtm
Summary: When a broken heart is shattered, are you left with just a shell?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This was suppose to be a happy fic, but it developed a life of its own and I'm not sure where it's heading... Feedback welcome!

**Broken heart**

"No, Jane! This is it. I have had enough of your stunts and your mind games. I'm not going to be there when you overstep one time too many and end up dead. I'm done with you!"

Lisbon's voice kept getting louder and louder so that the team outside her office clearly heard the last words. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt exchanged worried looks. Lisbon never lost her cool so badly as to publicly shout at one of her team. Jane really had it coming this time though. He had pushed and prodded their suspect until he had snapped and attacked Jane, nearly snapping his neck. They had gotten their confession, but the bruising around Jane's neck reminded everybody what might have happened if Lisbon had not pulled out her gun and threatened to shoot the guy.

After a few moments silence, Jane came out of Lisbon's office looking serious and slightly ill. He walked straight past the three staring agents and simply walked out of the door. The agents didn't know what to do and looked at each other helplessly. As it was in the middle of the day, many people had stopped and seen and heard what had happened. Cho could hear several of them muttering, "Good riddance".

Cho left Rigsby and Van Pelt at their desks and carefully approached Lisbon's office. He stopped at the door to take in the scene. Lisbon sat behind her desk, her elbows on the desk and her head in her hands.

"What happened boss?" Cho asked quietly closing the door behind him.

Lisbon still kept her head in her hands and shook her head, "Please, don't Cho. Just don't."

"This is not like you to have a public spat with one of your team members in the middle of the day. Do you know that the people outside are already congratulating you for finally getting rid of Jane? And you didn't see his face when he walked out", Cho pressed on as this was something that needed to get sorted out now.

Warily Lisbon sat up and looked at Cho, who was the closest to her in the team, except for Jane of course. And that thought made her cringe inside. No, she couldn't think Jane at the moment, she was still too angry.

"I can't take Jane's stunts anymore. He's not a team player and even though he closes the cases, we are better off without him", Lisbon said to Cho trying to sound convincing.

"Do you really think that? Or are you just upset that you came so close to losing him?" Cho asked calmly and turned around and left a shocked Lisbon behind him.

XXX

Jane heard the words "I'm done with you" and the world shattered. He couldn't hear anything after those words, he only saw Lisbon's angry face in front of him, her eyes blazing with anger, justification and hurt. The only thing he could think of was that he had hurt her. Who cared about the bruises on his neck, but for some reason, somehow Lisbon was hurt and she was blaming him. He couldn't take that so he just walked out of the office leaving a stunned and angry Lisbon in his wake.

He walked past the team, but didn't see them. His only thought was the hurt in Lisbon's eyes and how that made him feel. He knew that the petite, strong brunette had wormed her way under his skin even with all his resistance and she didn't seem to be even aware of it.

Jane hadn't felt this sharp pain in his chest since that fateful night five years ago, when it had turned into a constant dull, burning ache, but now the sharpness was back. It was squeezing his chest hard, it was making breathing difficult. His fist was pressed against his chest in pain. How was it possibly to feel this much pain when going numb at the same time? He started feeling light headed, but the only thing he could hold on to was to get out of CBI, to honour Lisbon's wish and to leave.

He stumbled out of the CBI still holding his chest. He was vaguely aware of people staring at him, but he couldn't care less. The accusing eyes of Lisbon were still haunting him. While shuffling down the stairs Jane started seeing stars in front of his eyes, then everything went black.

XXX

The people outside of CBI saw Jane come out, sweating heavily and clasping his chest and looking terrible. Some of them had already heard what had taken place inside and thought that it only served him right. But when Jane all of the sudden collapsed and was left lying on the ground deathly still, the people forgot about the gossip and ran to help him. Calls went out for someone to call an ambulance.

XXX

Cho was sitting back at his desk when Rigsby came running in from his trip to buy something to eat. He looked up at the flustered agent.

"They ran out of food?" Cho commented with his deadly serious face. To his surprise Rigsby didn't pay any attention to his comment.

"You have to go and tell the boss. Jane just collapsed outside and was taken to the hospital. Cho, they lost him twice before they could load him on the ambulance", the shaken agent said.

Cho stood up immediately and went to Lisbon's office door, knocked once and went in.

"Please, leave me alone", came Lisbon's quiet voice near the window where she was standing and staring outside.

"Boss, Jane just collapsed. They had to defibrillate him twice just to stabilise him enough to get him into the ambulance", Cho said to Lisbon's back.

Lisbon whirled around and stared at Cho with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"What happened?", she asked in shock, then shook her head and said, "Scrap that. Where are they taking him?" while already half way out of the door.

XXX

The team drove to the hospital where they couldn't get a straight answer from the ER nurses. Finally a doctor came to see them after Lisbon had driven a nurse mad with her questions and with waving her badge around.

"You are Mr. Jane's colleagues?", the doctor asked to which all the agents nodded, but it was Lisbon that took the lead and stepped closer.

"I'm his boss. How is he? What happened?", Lisbon asked.

"Well, as Mr. Jane doesn't have any next of kin in his documentations, I assume it will fine to talk to his superiors" the doctor said hesitantly and Lisbon felt a twist in her chest. Jane didn't have any family and obviously he didn't feel close enough to anyone in her team to be put down as an emergency contact. On the other hand, hadn't she just proven to him how correct he had been in his assumption. Lisbon felt sick.

The doctor was talking, unaware that Lisbon hadn't been paying attention for a while, until a word heart attack caught her attention. Lisbon lifted her hand to stop the doctor.

"Excuse me, are you saying he had a heart attack? But he is healthy and he' not that old. He just had his yearly physical examination and there was no mention of any problem." Lisbon couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I'm afraid that how it looks like. You are right, he doesn't have the typical risk factors and he's reasonably young. We have to investigate further what is going on, and what caused it, but for now, after giving us quite a scare, he is in stable, although serious condition and we will be transferring him to the cardiac intensive care unit. He is sedated and intubated so I'm afraid that you won't be able to see him now. Maybe tomorrow?" the doctor suggested to the shocked agents.

Lisbon wouldn't take a no for an answer though and finally after butting heads with the doctor, he gave up and gave her a permission to see Jane briefly after he was transferred to the CICU. In reality the doctor was happy that the man in his care had colleagues as close as these people. He had met Patrick Jane few times and he knew his history and it wasn't a happy one.

XXX

It took few hours, but finally Jane was transferred to the CICU and after all the machines and drips and leads were hooked up and everything looked to be working ok, the staff let Lisbon closer and what she saw made tears well up in her eyes.

Jane was intubated and his chest was going up and down shuddering in sync with the machine. His eyelids were taped over to protect his eyes and his ever moving graceful hands were still. He was so pale against the white sheets.

Lisbon covered her mouth with her hand to stop a gasp and to stop herself from sobbing. A nurse was standing at the work station next to Jane's bed keeping an eye on his vitals. When she saw Lisbon standing at the end of the bed looking visible shaken, she came forward, put a hand on Lisbon's arm and said, "It looks terrible, but he is actually doing pretty ok considering how bad he was. It's very upsetting to see a loved one in this state, but please come and visit him. It will make the healing faster." Lisbon looked at the nurse through the sheen of tears in her eyes not bothering to correct her about the nature of their relationship, nodding and taking a step closer to the bed when the nurse encouraged her. She didn't know where to even touch him as there was IV lines, ECG monitor lines and who knows what, covering him. Finally she settled on gently brushing his cheek and whispering, "I'm so sorry Jane".

XXX

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! You make my day:)

**Chapter 2.**

Jane was kept in a medically induced coma for three days to allow his heart to heal. For three days he lay on a bed, still, pale, not breathing on his own, barely having his heart pumping in his chest. For three days Teresa Lisbon was absent from his side.

XXX

Dr. Wheeler was looking through Jane's chart and decided that it would be better to raise him from the coma, although he had hoped that he would have recovered a bit better. After chatting to the nurses, he knew that Agent Lisbon hadn't visited again after leaving visibly shaken on that first day and Jane didn't have any family in the first place. He would have preferred to keep Jane sedated a bit longer to allow people close to Jane to come to grips what had happened, but it looked like he needed him awake to fully get into the bottom of things and maybe Agent Lisbon would come and visit him when he looked less like a corpse.

Dr. Wheeler studied the younger man on the bed and let out a sad sigh. He had met Patrick Jane few times, the first one in a very dire circumstances, but somehow the very private man had reached out and opened up to him and he would do everything in his power to honour that trust. Patrick seemed to understand that as he had come to him afterwards few times to seek help. He felt truly sorry that he couldn't help him as much as the man obviously needed, but he did his best and Patrick seemed to be happy with whatever he managed to do for him.

Dr. Wheeler turned to the nurse and gave the instructions, they would wake Patrick Jane up today.

XXX

Lisbon had been at work almost continuously and her team was getting worried. Whatever they tried to suggest to her or even just talk to her, she would brush it all aside to only concentrate on any cases coming their way. Only for the fate to decide that once Jane wasn't conscious, neither were the criminals. It had been a very slow three days.

Lisbon took that as a sign to throw herself at the case of Red John and nobody complained and they even got Minelli's blessing. The team started reviewing all the case notes, leaving Lisbon feeling marginally better for doing something for Jane. She knew it wasn't logical, but she felt it was her fault that Jane was lying in the hospital bed. If only she hadn't pushed him so hard lately, if only she hadn't shouted at him as she had known it would hurt him. Why had she been so angry at him, why had she wanted to hurt him, to push him away? Lisbon quickly pushed those thoughts away, she didn't want to open that can of worms so she dove back into work with a fierceness of a madwoman.

Cho had finally made a decision after Lisbon refused to go home, refused to eat and refused to admit that for three days she had been avoiding visiting Jane . They had tried to ask what was going on with Jane as she was the only one that the hospital staff would give out information to, and she told them again and again that Jane was still in coma, that she hadn't visited him as there was no point as he wouldn't be aware of his surroundings anyway. So Cho walked to Minelli's office, knocked on the door and stepped in.

After a while Cho walked out. Few moments later Minelli followed. He had been aware of the situation and had also been keeping an eye on Lisbon, but hadn't interfered until now. He walked towards Lisbon's office noticing that Cho was ushering Rigsby and Van Pelt out to have some lunch. His eyes met those of Cho's and he nodded slightly.

Minelli walked to Lisbon's door and stepped in to the surprise of the woman sitting at her desk.

"Boss, what can I do for you? Do we have a case?", Lisbon asked standing up allowing Minelli to have a good look at her. She stood shoulders hunched, like carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had dark circles under her puffy eyes, she was twitching nervously, but at the same time moving sluggishly.

"Look at yourself, Teresa", Minelli gently scolded her taking her by the elbow and guiding her to sit on the couch. When they sat down, Minelli told her quietly, "Talk to me Teresa".

That seemed to be the final straw as to Minelli's surprise tears started streaming down her face and she hid her face in her hands.

"It's all my fault! How could I not tell that he was sick? Why did I needed to add to his stress by telling him that I was done with him? It's my fault that he's lying in a hospital in a coma", Lisbon's voice came muffled behind her hands covering her face.

"It's not your fault and you would know that if you thought about it logically" Minelli told Lisbon.

"You would also know it if you went to see him. I can tell that for some reason you are afraid to, but this is Jane we are talking about. If nothing else, he's still your team member and you wouldn't hesitate to visit if it was Cho or any of the others", he continued.

Lisbon wiped hastily her eyes trying to regain her composure and sat up on the couch nodding shakily at Minelli's words.

"I know. And I want to see him, but it is only now that I think about it that I realise how broken he looked when he left my office. I'm not sure if he wants to see me again...", Lisbon explained quietly.

"And that is one of the reasons you are looking into Red John's case again? To have a reason to talk to Jane? To somehow make it up to him, the way you treated to him earlier? To make you feel less guilty?" Minelli questioned.

"Teresa, you need to go and see him. To see that you can still talk to him, that he won't be angry at you and that you are not to be blamed", he continued gently.

"At least call the hospital and ask how he is doing and go there after work", he finished.

Lisbon seemed to be considering this and gave a tiny nod, "I'll try".

XXX

Jane was slowly waking up to strange sounds and unpleasant smells. After a few moments his brain caught up and he realised that he was in the hospital. What the hell had happened? Then the memory of angry Lisbon and those words "I'm done with you" came back and Jane hoped he could fall back into the darkness, but was stopped by a familiar sounding voice.

"I know you are awake Patrick. Could you please open your eyes for me?" Jane opened his eyes for a fraction and found that he was indeed lying on a hospital bed and by the look of all the machinery around him, he must be in intensive care unit, finally landing his eyes on the familiar doctor sitting on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" asked Dr. Wheeler simply, calmly studying the young man. He still looked pale, but he didn't seem to be in any physical pain. He looked deflated, depressed and very sad and although Dr. Wheeler knew that these where the baseline emotions for him, he had never shown them so clearly. He was worried, not only about his physical well being, but also for his mental status.

Jane numbly took notice of the sensations his body was giving out and shrugged a little and said, "I'm tired...and stiff but... nothing hurts", surprising himself when he couldn't finish the sentence in one go. He was out of breath by just saying few words. A memory of the past discussions with Dr. Wheeler came to him and he quietly asked, " Is this it then?"

"Based on all the tests we have done, it seems to be so. I took you out of the coma as it wasn't beneficial anymore and I'm sure you appreciate being conscious again", the doctor answered frankly. He had learned that when dealing with Patrick Jane, the more honest and direct the answer, the better the response and compliance to medical advice.

Jane looked away and quietly said, "I'm not... too sure about...that."

Dr. Wheeler looked worried at his response, but continued, "I want to talk about the situation with you before you talk to you colleagues. To let you decide what you want to tell them and who do you want to tell."

He got even more worried when that didn't seem to interest Jane.

"What's wrong?", he asked quietly, knowing that they really needed more privacy, but that this was important to get out of Jane as soon as possible as he had only once seen this man behaving the same way and that got his alarm bells ringing.

Jane knew he could trust Dr. Wheeler, knew that he knew all there was to know about him so he told him about his work, his mission to find Red John, about Lisbon, and told him even about what had happened just prior to him landing in the hospital.

Dr. Wheeler listened without interruption, but commented in the end, "You care about Agent Lisbon a great deal. That must have been very hard to hear those words from her, knowing how you don't trust people or let them close to you". Jane could only nod as he felt tears choking him and that combined to his shortness of breath didn't really leave any room for talking.

"She was here when you were brought in and she was distraught. I think you need to give her a chance. You need to give yourself a chance", Doctor Wheeler continued.

"There is... no... point anymore..., is there?" Jane answered whispering seemingly sinking deeper into the bed, all life drained out of him.

"That's what I need to talk to you about, the different options and so on. The situation is serious, but there are things we can do although this is a big change for you. Again.", Doctor Wheeler said sympathetically and then continued, "However I need to tell someone about your condition and what this will mean in the future."

"That would... mean talking....about...my past too...?" Jane queried tiredly not really caring. He felt that the stirrings of new life within him that he had reluctantly felt recently, had been brutally smothered by Lisbon and he couldn't force himself to care anymore.

"Yes", was the expected answer.

"You...can talk...to Lisbon if... she wants... to hear it", Jane mumbled as his eyelids became too heavy and he gave in to the comfort of the darkness.

Dr. Wheeler sighed and got up from the bed. He wished this man would get a break from the horrors and tortures of his past and present, but that didn't seem to be the case. After giving instructions to the nurses, he proceeded to his office to call Agent Lisbon. It was time to have a talk with her.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

Lisbon was sitting at her desk staring at her phone, trying to gather the courage to call the hospital. If the situation was different she would have laughed, a tough CBI Agent afraid to make a phone call! But she was terrified. She was afraid what the doctor would say after not being there for Jane, afraid in what condition Jane would be. That was one of the reasons she refused to sleep, the moment she closed her eyes she could see the deathly still form of Jane lying on a bed, his eyes taped shut, while he was dying, forcing her to watch it second by second while blaming her.

Lisbon also had to admit that Cho had been right when he had questioned her motives to push Jane away. In reality it had been an unconscious reaction to seeing him almost being strangled in front of her. How she had freaked out that he had been hurt. She still shuddered when she thought about the bruising around Jane's neck.

Lisbon almost fell from the chair when the phone rang suddenly. With shaking hands she answered it, already dreading that it might be bad news.

"Lisbon"

"Agent Lisbon, my name is Dr. Wheeler. I'm Patrick's doctor. You met me in the hospital, if you remember?", a friendly, deep voice answered her.

"Yes, I remember. How is he? I have been meaning to come over, but...", Lisbon tapered off biting her lip, but not being able to lie out right.

"We woke him up today from the coma. However I need to talk to you about his condition and I have his permission to be as frank with you as I have been with him. Although he seemed to be under the impression that you might not want to be involved. If that's the case you better tell me as I need to talk to someone who will understand Patrick and who will be there for him", the doctor continued taking a stern tone.

Lisbon felt her cheeks grow hot with shame, "If he wants me to know, I will do everything I can to help him" and all of the sudden she heard herself spilling all her guilt and worries to the doctor in the other end.

"I talked with Patrick and he explained what happened", the doctor reassured Lisbon and she felt better. If Jane trusted this doctor to tell him what happened, she could also trust him so she didn't feel quite so bad at her outburst.

"Please, come and see me in the hospital and I will fill you in and after that you can go and see Patrick", Doctor Wheeler continued and Lisbon told him to except her shortly. She slipped the phone into her pocket, walked out of her office to see her team, who had spread all the Red John case files on a big table and who were still hard at work. They looked up as she approached the table.

"I'm going to see Jane", Lisbon announced.

Cho nodded and said, "Tell him we said hi" and went back to work, Rigsby and Van Pelt following his lead although she could tell that they were dying to say something. Lisbon was grateful that her team knew not to push her and left to find her car.

Doctor Wheeler put down the phone and sat back thinking. What he could gather, Agent Lisbon cared about Patrick, but she wasn't fully aware of his past. He hoped that she was ready to be let into the life of Patrick Jane as it wasn't going to be an easy ride.

XXX

When Lisbon arrived at the doctor's office, he guided her to sit down on a couch. Lisbon was slightly confused, but looked at the doctor expectantly.

Doctor Wheeler studied the petite woman in front of him and thought that Patrick was right to trust her. She surely seemed to be strong enough to handle him and his outlandish behaviour in normal circumstances, so she should be strong enough to handle Patrick's tragic past.

"I wanted to talk to you before you see Patrick and to make sure that someone knows the full details as some big changes need to be made in the future for example at work and I know Patrick will not explain himself to anyone", the doctor started to Lisbon's growing unease. This definitely didn't sound good.

"I'm sure you aware of what happened to his wife and daughter?", was the next question, which threw Lisbon off.

"Yes, I'm aware of what happened to them and I have worked with Jane to catch Red John ever since. What does that have to do with his heart attack?" Lisbon asked confused.

"You are probably not aware what happened afterwards and I must remind you to keep all of this confidential. As far as I know, I'm the only one who knows the full story and I will only tell you this as I feel it is necessary and I have his permission to do so.", Doctor Wheeler answered.

"A week after he found his family murdered, Patrick Jane tried to kill himself." Lisbon stared at the doctor in shock, her mind having frozen.

"He took an overdose of medications, basically anything he could find. He was found by a worried neighbour who went over to bring him some food. He was rushed to the hospital where I ended up being his doctor. Long story short, he recovered, but the damage was already done to his heart. He was aware that for now on he would be able to lead a fairly normal life, but he would need to avoid strenuous exercise and heavy stress amongst other things. And at some point things would turn for the worse." Lisbon could only listen to the doctor, trying to take it all in. She had known that he had been in a psychiatric hospital, but she obviously didn't know all the details.

"The recent stress at work, stress at not finding Red John, the emotional stress at feeling rejected by you, the feeling of guilt for surviving his family, it finally caught up with him. Agent Lisbon, Patrick is in acute heart failure."

Lisbon was shell shocked. Her brain was barely able to process all the doctor had told her. Her thoughts went around in circles and she didn't seem to be able to grasp any of them.

"But... What does it mean? Is he going to die?", Lisbon finally whispered looking at the doctor.

"Please, tell me there is something you can do? He can't die.", Lisbon nearly begged him.

"I have started him on a medication, which will help with his heart and his breathing and the other symptoms and I have activated his status as a donor organ recipient as the only thing that will eventually save him is a new heart.", Doctor Wheeler explained gently to the shocked woman in front of him.

"The bad news are that until that heart comes along, he won't be able to do any physical activity so he will have to stay in the office as he will refuse to stay at home if I know him at all" the doctor said smiling, but then the smile dropped from his face.

"The reality is that it can take a while for a donor match to surface and it might not be soon enough for Patrick", the doctor seriously told Lisbon, who was clearly scared and worried.

"He will need someone to take care of him and to help him and I think we all agree that you are that person" Doctor Wheeler finished talking. Lisbon nodded, seemingly having made up her mind now that she knew how serious the situation was. She visibly drew herself together and took a breath.

"I will do everything I can for him" she assured the doctor who believed her and thought to himself that maybe something good would come out of this situation if only these two would face their feelings and if they managed to get that donor heart in time.

XXX

Lisbon wanted to see Jane. Now that she knew what was going on, it was easier for her to take action, to solve this problem, to do something about it. She was almost ready to admit to herself that she cared deeply about Jane and she would do anything to help him get better.

Doctor Wheeler took her in to the intensive care unit as Jane was being kept there until his condition improved with the medications. On their way over, Lisbon had been asking questions about heart failure and how to best help Jane and Doctor Wheeler had been more than happy to provide more information. Now that they were nearing the ward, he slowed her down and warned her that Jane was still quite sick although he looked better than he had before. Lisbon nodded although she was feeling very nervous and worried.

The first thing she noticed were Jane's green eyes, that now were dull, lifeless, sunken deep into his face. His blond curls were a mess and he had three days worth of a stubble. But he was alive, breathing and he was looking at her like he wanted to be dead. Something broke inside Lisbon.

She went to stand next to the bed and surprising both of them, she took his hand and stroked his palm.

"You...know?", Jane whispered tiredly.

"Yes", Lisbon whispered back trying to prevent her tears from falling. When had she become such a drama queen, who was crying at a drop of a hat? Well, the minute she heard Jane was terminally ill and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

"I'm sorry...to...have upset...you...Didn't mean...to hurt...you", Jane said looking briefly at her before averting his eyes, but to Lisbon's relief he didn't remove his hand. But whether that was due to the fact that he didn't have the energy to do it or that he didn't want to, was another thing.

"Hush, Jane. There's nothing to apologise for", Lisbon gently told him off. She still kept holding his hand and with her left hand she stroked his cheek and a little bit more shattered inside her when Jane leaned into her touch closing his eyes. His heart was literally broken and he was still apologising to her when in fact it was all her fault.

She couldn't stop the sobs escaping her throat. The tears were finally freely falling as she poured her heart out to Jane.

"I'm so sorry, all this is my fault. I shouldn't have shouted at you, but I was so worried that you were hurt. So worried that you didn't care about your own well being, didn't care what it would do to me if you were hurt...", Lisbon cried her heart out. It finally hit her that Jane might really die and that opened the flood gates. She held on to his hands head bowed down, afraid to look into Jane's eyes.

Jane looked at Lisbon, still not believing what he was hearing. He couldn't understand what Lisbon would want with a shell of a man like him, but here she was, crying for him, holding his hand. He could feel his own energy ebbing away and made an effort to talk.

"Lisbon...come here", Jane said to confused looking Lisbon.

"I want...to hold...you...Don't like...it when..youi're crying...but I...don't have...the energy...to move" he continued getting progressively out of breath.

"You have...to join me...on the bed...so I...can...hold you" he finished rapidly losing his energy.

Doctor Wheeler had been staying close by and nodded to the nurses giving Lisbon a go ahead to join Jane. To his amusement Lisbon took off her shoes and jacket and slipped under the blankets in no time at all.

Lisbon tried to be mindful of all the leads and tubes still attached to Jane, but she managed to curl next to him, her head on his shoulder. She had to help him to put one of his arms around her, but finally they both felt comfortable. Lisbon was still teary eyed and when she looked at Jane, who didn't have the energy to talk anymore and whose eyes were getting heavy with the promise of sleep, she whispered, finally admitting it to herself, "I'm so scared of losing you Jane."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4.**

Lisbon was lying down next to Jane while he slept. She slid down a bit to be able to put her head on his chest so she could hear his heart still beating. She finally decided to be completely honest with herself and with Jane. She cared about him, had for a long time, but now it looked like the time had ran out for them and there was no point in hiding. She was determined to make the most out of the time they had left, and she could only pray that a donor heart would come forth soon.

Lisbon wasn't by nature very open or affectionate, but looking at the pale man sleeping next to her, she swore that she would make an effort to be completely honest, not hiding her feelings or thoughts, to show him without a doubt how much she cared about him. She knew it wouldn't always be easy, but she was determined to do this. For herself as much as for Jane. She was scared and worried how much she was going to get hurt in the process, but Jane was worth it. And if this was all the time they were given...

It didn't even occur to her that Jane might not feel the same way about her. They had been dancing around each other for a long time, pushing and pulling, but never quite meeting. That would change.

XXX

Dr. Wheeler returned to the CICU in few hours and was happy to see that Agent Lisbon was still curled next to Patrick, who was sleeping. He saw that she was awake so he came to a stop on the other side of the bed and smiled at the woman.

"I'm glad that you stayed. Patrick will need you although he will try to deny it", Doctor Wheeler said.

Lisbon lifted her head up from Jane's chest and carefully untangled herself from the bed trying not to wake Jane up.

"I know and I will give him no choice in the matter", she answered.

"Or you'll...shoot me.?", came a voice from the bed to which Lisbon snapped smiling, "Bite me" to the amusement of the doctor. Jane was looking at Lisbon with a ghost of a smile flitting across his face although his eyes were still dull and lifeless. Lisbon was still sitting next to him on the bed and now she took hold of his hand while turning back to the doctor.

"Once your medication will kick in and your condition is more stable I will move you into a private room. I know how much you hate being on display like this, especially as you can't control who will see you even though you are feeling vulnerable", Doctor Wheeler said quietly.

"That would...be a...relieve" Jane said surprising Lisbon as she had never heard Jane talking this openly with anyone, except with her on few occasion. She squeezed Jane's hand and smiled down at him.

"I will come back tomorrow to talk to you again. We should also be seeing the effects of the medication so maybe we could transfer you within the next few days", Doctor Wheeler said patting Jane on the shoulder before leaving.

Lisbon turned back to Jane still holding his hand and decided that she might as well get all of this out of the way now. She took a deep breath and started haltingly, still not that comfortable with opening up, but determined to try.

"Jane, please do not try to interrupt me as this might be my only chance of saying all of this as you for once aren't capable giving your wise ass remarks", a teasing note creeping to her voice and to her relief Jane smiled at her a curious look ghosting his eyes.

"I care about you, have for a while, but haven't had the courage to say anything or it hasn't been the right time... I'm sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable, but you need to understand why I will be there for you and will help you as much as I'm able to. You don't need to hide from me. I can't promise that I won't get annoyed at you or not feel like I want to shoot you, but I will try my best", Lisbon said smirking, but continued with a more serious tone.

"I don't know how much time we have, but I want to make the best of what we have. I have to believe that donor heart will come soon and you will get better, but if not I want to be there to hold you, to try to make it easier for you... you know...", she finished off with tears in her eyes again and she had to squeeze her eyes shut to prevent them from falling and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't look at Jane just in case he now wanted to throw her out.

Jane knew how Lisbon felt and had enjoyed their dance around the issue although he also cared deeply about her. However hearing her talking about it aloud really emphasised how dire the situation was as he knew how uncomfortable she was talking about feelings. He vowed that whatever this amazing woman next to him wanted, he would give. He couldn't offer much, but if she was hell bent to be there for him, he would embrace it and he would try to show her how much this meant to him. She deserved so much more than the love of a dying man, but that was all he could give.

She was startled when she felt a hand stroking her cheek and opened her eyes to meet Jane's eyes, that now were full of tears. She put her own hand on top of Jane's and held it very close to her cheek.

"For you...I promise...I will not...hide. I'm so sorry...to put you...through this...to be so...selfish but...I don't...want to...die alone" Jane whispered.

Lisbon bend down to rest her forehead on Jane's while her tears were falling freely. Instead of feeling self conscious she openly caressed his cheek. She was completely taken by surprise though when Jane moved under her hand and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. It lasted for a few sweet seconds before Jane had to drop his head back to the pillow. Lisbon opened her eyes to find Jane smiling at her and saying "Not sure...if that's...classified as...physical activity". Lisbon grinned at him and said, "Not if I do all the work", and bend down to kiss him.

XXX

Jane and Lisbon could still communicate without words, which was a benefit when he couldn't hold his end of conversation although he was getting better. It was amazing how easily they slipped into this new dynamic. It felt like when they had finally accepted and acknowledged their feelings, they had bonded instantaneously, soul and all. Lisbon visited him every day after work only going home to sleep after the night shift nurses kindly threw her out. During days she and the team worked on Red John case and Minelli seemed to be perfectly happy with the arrangement.

Lisbon gave updates to the team about Jane's condition as he didn't want them to see him when he was still so vulnerable and the team understood that unspoken request. Once Jane was moved to a private room, they were welcome to visit. That transfer was suppose to take place today and Lisbon was fidgeting.

Finally Cho told her to get out and go to Jane and for once, she didn't protest, but grabbed her jacket and practically flew out smiling. The team were happy that Lisbon and Jane had finally admitted their feelings, although Lisbon had never said anything it was clear that the pair were closer than before. And the fact that Lisbon now called Jane "Patrick". Privately Cho was worried for his boss as if Jane died, she would be hurt so badly that he didn't know whether she would be able to recover.

XXX

When Lisbon arrived in CICU Jane's bed was empty and although she knew it must be because of the transfer a sudden panic welled inside of her and she grabbed one of the nurses that she had become very familiar with.

"Excuse me, but where is Patrick? Did they transfer him already?" she asked and the nurse confirmed this giving out directions to the new ward.

"Please tell him all the best from all of us. He's such a sweet man and I hope that heart comes along soon" the nurse said. Jane had been their favourite patient as he still managed to charm all the staff even if he wasn't able to speak properly.

"An invite us to the wedding" the nurse continued winking at Lisbon, who promptly blushed violently.

XXX

Jane was lying in his new room and felt better with the calmness. It still wasn't quiet because of the heart monitor, but he was used to it now. He even could walk to the toilet with the help of the nurses and could now finish short sentences without feeling like he had ran a marathon. He was eagerly waiting for Lisbon to come by to show off his new found abilities.

He knew that this was just a short term improvement, but he didn't want to think about what would happen eventually if he didn't get a new heart. He wanted to love Lisbon, to leave her with good memories to lessen the pain afterwards. He had never been more sorry for anything than that he would end up hurting Lisbon by leaving, but before that he would give her all of himself if she wanted it. Recently he had thought about his wife and daughter often and how they would have liked Lisbon. He felt that somehow Lisbon had managed to heal that festering wound and now he could think about them with fondness and love, without that ever present pain and agony that had accompanied the thoughts until now. Even his blood lust after Red John didn't seem to consume him as it had before. It seemed to be true that when you were faced with your own mortality, your priorities shifted, Jane was still musing when Lisbon stepped into the room.

"I see you are enjoying your new room already", Lisbon said smiling while bending down to kiss Jane.

"I can finally hear my own thoughts", Jane answered grinning and grabbed the hand of unsuspecting Lisbon and pulled her down to him with a satisfying squeak and started kissing her first slowly and gently, but rapidly losing his control as Lisbon responded. Finally they slowed down exchanging small kisses here and there and just enjoying each other's presence.

"It seems like someone has been hiding their progress" Lisbon smiled at Jane who was now lazily drawing circles on her arm while they were lying down together.

"It looks like they are giving me the good stuff" Jane smiled down at her and they both laughed, but stopped when someone cleared their throat at the door.

"I see that you are feeling much better already" Doctor Wheeler smirked satisfied and felt smug when the pair in front of him blushed, proceeding to update them about Patrick's status

XXX

Jane finally felt comfortable for letting the team to see him and to be honest he was missing them too. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt came to see him after work and the reunion was happy and full of old bantering although the team could tell that Jane was tiring easily, but at least he seem to be back to his old cheerful self. And he managed to shock the team when he openly kissed Lisbon, who didn't seem to mind in the least confirming their suspicions about the pairs relationship. They finally went home with promises to come back soon leaving Lisbon with Jane. As had become her habit, she climbed into the bed with Jane and snuggled closer.

"I wish I could sleep here" Lisbon said sleepily to which Jane laughed. She was so adorable when she was falling asleep.

"I wish I could sleep in your bed with you preferably in it" Jane whispered to her ear while nuzzling her hair. Lisbon smiled widely with her eyes closed and was just about to reply when a nurse popped her head in reminding them that Lisbon really needed to go home as it was very late and the night shift nurses had already come in.

Lisbon slowly gathered her things and pressed a lingering kiss on Jane's lips and then kissed his forehead before caressing his face,"Behave yourself until I come back tomorrow".

"Goodnight love" Jane responded smiling gently.

XXX

It was late at night when one of the night nurses though she saw something. She got up from her station and went to check on her patients when she saw Doctor Wheeler coming in from the opposite corridor.

"Isn't it a bit late to see the patients?" the nurse greeted the doctor smiling.

"I got delayed with a surgery and thought that I would catch up with Patrick's progress", the doctor answered.

"His notes are on the desk. I'm just about to check on him and the others as I thought I saw someone there just now" the nurse said oblivious to the disturbed look on the doctor's face, who followed her.

When they approached Jane's room, they saw the blinds being closed by someone in the room causing them to hurry their steps as Jane shouldn't be able to walk around unaided yet.

When they barged in to the dark room, there was a figure standing at the foot of the bed looking down at the sleeping man. The figure whipped around and violently pushed them aside fleeing the room. The nurse was pushed to the floor and Doctor Wheeler found himself flung against the wall jarring his elbow badly. Jane had woken up to the commotion and queried sleepily, "What's going on?"

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** A big thank you goes to all the people who are still with me for the ride! It's great to know that the story is worth a review and that people are enjoying it enough to add it to their story alerts. I think that there is still one more chapter and maybe an epilogue to come and then that's it folks:)

**Chapter 5.**

Lisbon had gotten home safe and sound and fell into the bed as she was dead tired. Flitting between work and the hospital, she didn't have much time for anything, she barely had time to sleep few hours a night. But she wouldn't complain. She would sleep later when the time would allow, but for now she was needed and she herself needed to be close to Jane. She had put in a request to Minelli to take time off to stay with Jane and although the official confirmation hadn't come through yet, she knew it would be approved. Minelli had been visible shaken by what Lisbon told him about Jane's prognosis.

Lisbon was startled awake by her ringing phone. A feeling of dread found home immediately in the pit of her stomach, acquiring neighbours from fear and panic when she saw it was indeed Doctor Wheeler calling. She flipped the phone open.

"Teresa, Patrick is fine, but you are needed here. Someone was in his room and fled from the hospital when we approached him", Doctor Wheelers gentle voice came over, not sounding quite as calm as usual.

"We have the security on site and I have called the police, but I'm sure you will want to bring your own team", he continued.

"I will be there shortly", was all Lisbon managed to say and then kicked her sleep addled brain into action. She forcefully pushed down any worry or fear she had as Jane must be fine. The doctor would have told her otherwise. So she put her energy into calling her team and the police department, efficiently organising people to deal with the problem until she got there and left the house.

XXX

When she arrived at the hospital, there was plenty of activity going on although it was in the middle of the night. The ward was a beehive of activity, regardless that everyone tried to keep their voices down to not to disturb the other patients. First she needed to know that Jane was all right.

Lisbon nearly ran into his room to be greeted by the sight of Jane sitting up on the bed talking with Doctor Wheeler. Both of the men looked up when she barged into the room and Jane stood up next to the bed with shaking legs. Doctor Wheeler moved his chair aside, but stayed hovering at Jane's side if he needed support, smiling when Lisbon took the few steps separating her from Jane and circled her arms around his waist pressing her cheek against his shoulder not saying anything, but holding on to him for her dear life.

Jane enveloped her in his arms, the first time he was able to do that while standing up and nuzzled her hair. He pulled back a little and pressed a kiss to Lisbon's forehead. He was getting tired, so he sat down on the bed still clutching Lisbon to him, who was now standing in between his legs.

"It was Red John", Jane murmured into her hair, shocking her so much that she drew back from his embrace to look at him properly.

"Are you sure? Did you see him?", Lisbon queried getting worried again.

"He got curious and waited until I was transferred to a private room, where he could confirm my condition with his own eyes. Where he would be able to taunt me, while I could do nothing to catch him. It was him", Jane said conviction in his voice.

At this point Doctor Wheeler cleared his throat and told Lisbon what had happened and what they had seen, which wasn't much considering that it had been dark and the man had had a hoodie on, which would have not roused any suspicions in the hospital as it was popular wear for night shifts.

"The security is going through the security camera footage with your team as we speak so hopefully they will find something. And I have to agree with Patrick. There isn't any other logical explanation for it to be anyone else than Red John. The only thing I don't understand how he knew that Patrick would be transferred yesterday to a private room as that hasn't been a common knowledge and it wasn't planned that much in advance", Doctor Wheeler finished scratching his head.

Jane looked at Lisbon who looked exhausted and felt a pang of remorse for being the cause for it. But now that Red John had diverted from his usual pattern and seemed to have made a mistake in coming to deal with Jane, they finally had a chance of catching him. Although he wasn't as hell bent as before in finding him, this was too much of an opportunity. And Lisbon seemed to agree with him, which eased his conscious a little bit, although he felt disappointed that it wouldn't be him who caught the bastard, but it didn't bother him as much as he would have thought.

"Okay, I will catch up with the team and see where we are. We will get him. The bastard made his final mistake", Lisbon said growling with fury and visibly went back into an agent mode.

"Go get him, my love", Jane said smiling and kissed her before letting go of her hand and she stalked out of the room leaving Jane to sink back into the bed.

Doctor Wheeler looked after Lisbon and shook his head.

"He doesn't know what hit him. Teresa is a like a mother bear when someone threatens her cubs", he said smiling.

"Just don't tell her that. She might shoot you", answered Jane with a chuckle.

XXX

It turned out that all the security cameras were interfered with and they could find nothing on the tapes. The team had the night nurse and Doctor Wheeler describing everything they could remember, but they didn't really get anything except that Red John was about six foot tall and normal built.

Lisbon was ready to tear holes into people. This couldn't be happening, they were so close. There must be something. She was pacing the corridor outside the nurses station getting increasingly more irritated.

"Wait, I just remembered something", said Doctor Wheeler all of the sudden and Lisbon turned to face him.

"You said that all the security cameras were easily interfered with as they are all connected, right?", he went on, to which he got a confirmation from Van Pelt who was standing close by, now listening in.

"Three years ago, there used to be a separate camera system on one of the doors that is commonly used during night shifts as lot of drugs went missing and nothing was ever found on the security tapes. It wasn't common knowledge that it was there and they managed to catch the thieves and to bring down a whole drug smuggling operation without it becoming widely known how they had done it. I don't know if the camera is still there or if it's even recording, but it should be worth a look", he said hopefully.

"Van Pelt, get on it. Doctor, please go with her to help", Lisbon ordered them trying not get her hopes up. It was a long shot, but she would take everything she got.

XXX

She went back to Jane's room as there wasn't anything else for her to do at the moment. The officers and agents were interviewing people and canvassing the neighbourhood and until something was found, she wanted to be with Jane.

She stepped in and for the second time that night panic hit her full in the face causing her heart to constrict in fear. Jane was lying on the bed, pale, eyes closed, barely breathing. Lisbon ran to the bed shouting at the nurses for help and pressing the call button at the same time, leading to the nurse running in. She took one look at the man in front of her and called out to her colleagues," Get Doctor Wheeler and bring the crash trolley!", before coming to Jane's side gently pushing Lisbon away to get a better access.

After that it was a flurry of activity, people shouting and monitors being attached and medications being drawn into syringes. Lisbon stood frozen on one side, praying as she had never had before in her life.

XXX

She thought only few minutes had gone by, but all of the sudden Minelli was standing next to her, gently putting an arm around her shoulders. Lisbon was startled and looked up and Minelli's words got stuck in his throat when he saw the look in her eyes. She looked so afraid, so lost, he had never seen her like this. It was good thinking from Cho to call him in as Lisbon's place was now with the man fighting for his life.

"Teresa, you are needed here. Jane needs you. I will work with the team, leave it to me", he finally said and he wasn't surprised when Lisbon didn't protest. The request to take time off to be with Jane had already told him about her shifting priorities and he would have thought less of her if they hadn't.

He squeezed her shoulders and left her with a nurse who directed her to sit down with a cup of tea. They knew that she wouldn't leave so it would be better to make sure that she didn't collapse. Minelli slipped out of the room, trying not to look at the doctors working on Jane. He needed to focus.

There was another reason why Cho had called Minelli, they had gotten a hit from the forgotten camera. Unknown to anyone else except the head of security and the head of pharmacy the camera was still recording as they still experienced some problems with missing medications. As the security men didn't know about it, they had called their chief at home who immediately directed Van Pelt to the right direction. He also was coming in to help with the investigations.

What they found after narrowing their search down to a specific time, was a close up of the face of a man, who nobody recognised when they took his picture to the wards. They finally dared to hope that this was indeed the face of Red John.

When Minelli came out of the room, he was faced with Rigsby and Cho. Van Pelt was running face recognition programme as well as running searches on other data bases at the nurses station.

"Show me the bastard", Minelli growled reaching for the photo in Cho's hand.

"Just a second. I know this man!", Minelli exclaimed immediately causing a hush to descend in the room and he launched into such a foul language that even the other agents looked at him in shock.

Minelli angrily took his phone out and called someone while Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt were impatiently waiting for him to explain himself. After the phone call he turned back to the team.

"This man is an attorney called Will Greene. I just called to get his home address and to warn the judge what will be going down. He will back us up whatever happens to Greene. He wishes us happy hunting", Minelli said grimly. Everyone jumped into action. Finally they knew who Red John was and although it had seemed very sudden and easy, it wasn't often that Red John made mistakes and the luck had been on their side with the hidden camera.

Red John being an attorney also explained how he had seemed to be so well connected, how he knew what was going on with different police investigations. Also the ease how CBI was attacked became clear. And Jane's condition had been official gossip in CBI as well as in many courts so he would have easily found out where he was held and probably wanted to confirm with his own eyes how badly Jane was doing and to gloat how he never caught him. That arrogance would be his downfall.

XXX

Doctor Wheeler finally stepped away from Jane's bed exposing the view to Lisbon, who almost gagged to the sobs shooting up from her throat. Jane was again unconscious and intubated. Once again the attached heart monitor revealed erratic lines dancing on the screen.

"I'm so sorry Teresa", Doctor Wheeler said softly sitting down next to the distraught woman.

"His condition is again worsening and we needed to significantly increase his medications just to stabilise him. I'm afraid that if we don't get a donor heart soon, it will be too late for him", he sadly finished. He was truly hoping that they would get that heart soon, even though it was against all odds, as these two people would really deserve to be happy. He hated himself to be the bearer of such bad news, it never was easy and even less so when delivering the news to people that he cared about.

Lisbon could only nod, she didn't even bother hiding her tears anymore, nor the grief that was threatening to consume her. Inside she was raging that they had only been given so little time, only few days and she was blaming herself for not taking the step sooner. Now it was too late for them.

"If you want I can help you up on the bed to lie down next to Patrick", Doctor Wheeler suggested and when Lisbon looked at him surprised, he continued, "I have seen how much you like to be close to him and how he enjoys to have you there. Maybe having you by his side, he will have the will to fight a little bit further."

Lisbon didn't trust her voice but nodded through her tears and took the offered hand to help her up. Together they stepped closer and after some careful manoeuvring around the tubes and leads, Lisbon was comfortably tucked next to Jane under the blankets resting her head on his shoulder. Doctor Wheeler lifted the bed sides up, hang the call bell close to Lisbon and finally reached out to brush a tear soaked strand of hair away from Lisbon's face.

"Look after him for us", he said sadly and walked away defeated.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6.**

Doctor Wheeler slumped down into a chair at the nurses station completely spent. A nurse gave him a mug of tea and patted him on the shoulder. The nurses felt awful about the situation, but they knew that Doctor Wheeler would feel even worse. He was a well liked doctor, known for his empathy and skills and to see him this defeated made any hope seem unrealistic.

"Should we organise the transfer to the intensive care unit now or in the morning?", one of the nurses asked as a patient on a ventilator didn't really belong to the ward, but they were happy to delay the transfer for the doctor.

Doctor Wheeler shook his head.

"No, just leave them be. It won't be long now", he quietly said not looking at anyone.

XXX

Minelli, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt met with the SWAT team at the hospital parking lot. They quickly discussed their strategy while men were putting on their vests, checking their guns and readying their equipment. Test calls went out to make sure that communications were clear and working. After they agreed what was to be done, the teams were told what to do and the chaos disappeared into SUV's and vans and drove away to meet with a serial killer.

XXX

Lisbon kept her eyes closed and let her hand draw circles on Jane's chest. She followed all the ribs, one by one with her fingers, before moving to his collar bone and down his arm to his fingers and then up again, moving to his face, steering clear of the intubation tube, brushing her fingers through his curls, following his stubbled cheek down to his jaw and down his neck to his chest. She hypnotised herself with the steady movement, trying to etch him into her memory, into her own body, forced her hands to remember all the curves and angles of this precious man.

She wanted her skin to remember his skin, the degree of softness, hardness, the soft hairs on his chest and arms, the softness of his unruly curls. She wanted to burn the sensations into the nerve endings in her fingers so that she would never forget. She got lost in the memories of his hands on her skin and time stood still.

It was quiet in the room. The heart monitor was set on mute, the only equipment making any noise was the gentle whooshing of the ventilator, telling her of his each breath. Each breath closer to the end, one by one, escaping his lungs, releasing him bit by bit. And it was quiet until the next breath.

XXX

All the teams were getting into their positions. As far as they could tell, Greene wasn't aware that he had been made. He had a light on in the living room and the snipers confirmed that he was there and by the looks of it, he had just returned home as he was still wearing the hoodie.

Minelli, Rigsby and Van Pelt were with the SWAT team, but Cho decided to circle the house to make sure that there wasn't any other way of escaping. Two teams joined him in the darkness.

The silence of the night was shattered when SWAT teams overwhelmed the house, but not quick enough to stop Greene from running to the back of the house. Several shots found their target easily, but it quickly became apparent that he was wearing a vest as nothing slowed him down. Shouts were heard over the radio that Greene was trying to escape. The teams outside the house were ready.

XXX

He was warm and soft next to her, but so still it broke her heart. She didn't understand how it was possible as she felt she had already shattered into million pieces, they in turn shattered further until she felt there was nothing more than dust left of her.

Lisbon pressed her face against Jane's neck and just inhaled him. Despite being in the hospital, he still retained his distinctive scent and she wanted to remember every nuance of it, so she burrowed her nose very close, closed her eyes and let her nose take over. She wanted to remember how he smelled, wanted to grasp the last wisps of his essence, before it was forgotten and replaced by the musty odour of earth.

XXX

Cho saw someone running towards one of the teams in the back yard, but managing to evade them the last moment. Running and shouting could be heard from the house itself and frantic calls over their radios. Cho was still, keeping his eyes on the running figure. He cut out the noise, he cut out the thoughts of Lisbon and Jane and he concentrated and pulled the trigger.

In the near darkness a shot rang out and a figure slumped to the ground. For a moment everyone stood still and then men in vests and guns were running towards the figure on the ground. His face was illuminated and to the grim relief of all, it was indeed Will Greene, with a bullet hole on the side of his head.

Cho reached down to check for a pulse and to his shock found one.

"Call the ambulance, he's still alive!", he shouted almost wishing that he was alone so he could finish him off with a second bullet and by the looks of the men around him, he wasn't the only one thinking along those lines.

Paramedics pushed their way through the mass of loitering agents, officers and SWAT team members and reached Greene. They knew why he was shot and who he was, but at that moment they had a job to do so they loaded him into an ambulance while one of the men talked to Cho who was following them closely to make sure that this wasn't one of Red John's tricks.

"Don't worry, he won't make it. That bullet has done enough damage that he won't regain consciousness", the paramedic said and Cho was inclined to believe him. When the ambulance drove away, he could feel Minelli, Rigsby and Van Pelt coming to stand next to him and they all stared at the red tail lights disappearing into the night.

XXX

She was letting her eyes roam his face, his chest, his hands, trying to imprint all of it into her memory. She was seeing a man she loved, not a man who was dying and she tried not to think that she would never see those beautiful, sparkling, mischievous green eyes again. So she concentrated on everything else she could see. She catalogued all the faint freckles he had on his nose and his chest, all the wrinkles around his eyes, the elegance of his long fingers and the comfort of his hand in hers.

She wanted to kiss him, to taste for the final time those lovely lips that promised so much, but were more than capable of teasing her to her wits end. But she couldn't as his lips weren't hers to taste anymore, so she settled kissing his cheek, trailing small kisses down his neck before finally coming to rest on his chest and kissing the spot on top of his heart.

She could almost feel the time ebbing away from them, could almost see the flow of life that was coming to its end and under her hand she could feel the flutters of a heart that had suffered so much, but had also given so much, flutters that were getting more irregular, more gentle, more subtle until the next flutter never came.

XXX

"Get her out of there, now! Start CPR, OR 3 is ready for him. Move, move!", followed by a maelstrom of nurses and doctors. Someone unceremoniously lifted Lisbon from the bed and plopped her in a chair and before she could comprehend anything with her grief stricken brain, Jane was gone.

"Wait! Where are you taking him? Please don't take him from me!", Lisbon was pleading in tears not understanding this sudden shift in her universe. The kind nurse from before came in and sat down next to sobbing Lisbon putting her arm around Lisbon's shoulders.

"Teresa, listen to me. I'm so sorry we had to be so abrupt but the time was running out", the nurse said but was interrupted by Lisbon.

"But the time ran out! He died! He's dead...", Lisbon ended up whispering, still in shock, rocking herself back and forth.

"His heart stopped beating, but there is a heart. A victim of a shooting just came in and Patrick was a match. Teresa, he's in surgery right now getting a new heart!", the nurse said repeating herself over and over again until Lisbon seemed to understand what she was saying and stayed still.

"A new heart? He will live?", Lisbon couldn't believe her ears, but when she saw the nurse smiling and nodding her head enthusiastically, she couldn't help but allow a ray of hope to invade the darkness of her thoughts.

"Doctor Wheeler was still luckily in the hospital and he's part of the team operating on Patrick now. The surgery takes about four hours, but you can stay here and we make sure that he knows to come and talk to you here. And we'll let you know if there are any news", the nurse assured Lisbon.

"Thank you", she whispered tiredly. Lack of sleep, grief and the shock were finally catching up with her and she started shaking, unable to hold herself up anymore. The nurse managed to catch her just before she slid to the floor, all of the sudden being helped by another set of arms that lifted Lisbon up and against the chest of an Asian man.

"Is he gone?" the man asked with worried eyes glancing at the empty room. Behind him the nurse could see a crying red head being comforted by a tall man and another older, tired looking man, who was also staring at the empty room with shock.

"He's in surgery", Lisbon managed to whisper from Cho's embrace to which the nurse added, "He's undergoing heart transplant surgery. At the last possible moment we had a victim of shooting arrive in who was already brain dead and we could harvest all his organs". Cho, Minelli and Rigsby exchanged looks, it had to be coincidence...

"Was he by any chance shot in the head?", Cho asked, the nurse giving him a funny look but confirming it leaving the men stunned.

XXX

Cho sat down carefully on a chair still holding Lisbon and that in itself told him how low down her defences were, in normal circumstances she would have shot him for trying to hold her.

The nurse had disappeared but emerged shortly with more chairs and some blankets just to disappear again to return with cups of tea after a while. She handed them over and repeated what she had told Lisbon.

"You are welcome to stay here until Doctor Wheeler comes to talk to you. The surgery should take about four hours so please be patient. If there is any news, I will tell you straight away". She looked at the petite, strong brunette, who was now deep in exhausted sleep against Cho's shoulder and said, "I'm glad that you are all here. She will need your support" and turned around and left the room.

The empty room was left as a witness to the heavy silence of waiting.

XXX

It had been five hours and no news. Lisbon had woken up, but didn't feel any fresher. She still couldn't give herself over to hope and sat slumped in the chair staring at the floor without seeing anything. The rest of the team were sitting quietly, just staring at the same floor, while the silence smothered them. Lisbon closed her eyes and lost herself in the memory of sensations that were Patrick Jane.

She was drawn out of her dream by someone coming to stand in front of her. She lifted her eyes up to meet the tired face of Doctor Wheeler. He crouched down and settled his hands on her knees while Lisbon looked at him encased in fear. Finally he breathed out the words.

"He will live".

TBC


	7. Epilogue

**A/N:** This is it then. My muse really, really wanted to kill Jane, but I suppose you would have never forgiven me:) So I tried to write something happy, but it doesn't come naturally to me so I hope it's ok. Thank you for Habeous Corpus and CharmedNightSkye for reviewing chapter 6. It would be great to hear from others too how they liked the story... Please? :)

**Epilogue**

Jane wiped away the condensation in the mirror to have a proper look at himself. He was thinner, but then two weeks eating hospital food and four weeks worth of physiotherapy afterwards were bound to leave some effects. He also really needed to have a haircut as his blond curls were seriously getting out of hand. He fingered the healing red scar on his chest. This wasn't exactly how he had envisioned he would rip out Red John's heart, but he appreciated the irony of it. He was given a second chance and he was determined to make best of it. His and Lisbon's fates were intricately bound in death and love, space and time and he would make sure that nothing could unravel their connection, not even when he died.

Jane was roused from his musings by a presence leaning against the bathroom door and without turning smirked, "Like what you see?"

"Yes", came a short reply followed by small hands encircling him from behind and the feel of a body pressed against his back. Jane covered her hands with his and enjoyed the simple intimacy of the moment.

XXX

Lisbon had been observing Jane for some time before he became aware of her. He seemed to be recovering well, both physically and mentally and he seemed to be less disturbed about the origin of the heart than she had originally thought. He rather considered this to be the ultimate win over Red John; by taking his heart Jane had lived.

After Jane was released from the hospital to the rehabilitation unit, they had silently agreed for him to eventually go home with Lisbon, where he had lived ever since. They both agreed that there was no point in pretending and Lisbon's flat was big enough for two of them. They had slipped into a routine deceptively easily, but then both of them stayed true to their words and had opened up to each other, not hiding anymore. They would have maybe another 10 years together before Jane's heart would eventually give up and they were both determined to make that time as happy as possible and not dwell in the uncertainties of the future.

XXX

When Jane covered her hands with his, she felt like something was off. She couldn't put her finger on it immediately and as Jane was relaxed and clearly enjoying this moment, she didn't think it was anything serious. Then it hit her and her eyes flew open. She couldn't feel Jane's wedding ring! It had always been a constant and she had become used to feeling it's coolness whenever he touched her.

She carefully removed herself from Jane and came to stand in front of him holding his hands in hers and confirmed what his touch had told her. She lifted her eyes to meet Jane's serious ones that were regarding her silently. Lisbon didn't know what to say and she settled to stroking Jane's ring finger. With low, raw voice he startled her.

"I'm all yours, heart and soul".

Lisbon looked at him then and couldn't help the tears gathering in her eyes.

"And I'm yours, you silly...", she didn't have time to finish her sentence when Jane was already kissing her, lifting her up in his arms and carrying her off to their bed.

**FIN**


End file.
